Text from Hilary.

Face-Off

I just want to see your face. Is that too much to ask for?

I’ll admit, I’m part of the iPhone social app scene. I have a profile on Scruff & Growler. I used to have a profile on Grindr, but I got tired of 19 year olds sending me pictures of their junk at all hours of the night.

For some of you, this would be a welcomed activity. For me, not so much.

I find that as I get older (and by no means do I consider myself old) I am dating men closer to my age – which would be 38. When I was in my 20’s, I dated men in their late 30’s & early 40’s – and now I find myself doing the same thing, even though I am not getting any younger. Never been attracted to the younger guys…

But I digress.

I have quite the popular profile on the social apps I use, and it is not for my pictures. (Although I would like to think that has something to do with it.) Many guys send me very positive responses, thanking me for using my profile to speak the truth. Mostly my profile is a commentary on what I take issue with related to other guys profiles – with a little humor tied in. Trust me, as you scan though the profiles of these apps, there is plenty there to give you a chuckle.

My main gripe is about the pictures. I realized this when I went on a date with a guy I had met on line. When we met, he looked at me, rather surprised and said, “Wow, you look just like your profile picture.”

Umm…isn’t that the point?

What I have come to realize is that many gay men have come to expect that when you meet a guy on line, the real life presentation is going to be different. In other words, lying and deception is becoming not just the norm, but it is almost being encouraged. That’s kinda scary if you ask me.

The pictures I post of myself have 3 qualities. They’re clear, they’re current, and they’re actually of me.

Using an authentic photo; I know, what a concept.

To me, there is absolutely no reason that any guy should post a grainy, blurry, (sideways - my biggest pet peve!)  low quality photo to their profile, and THEN to say that they aren’t able to improve it. Most smartphones that use these apps have some of the highest quality, most advanced cameras ever built. Why they never get used, I have no idea. Not to mention, most guys who gripe about not being able to obtain a high quality photo have crystal clear photos of what’s below the waist.

Amazing isn’t it?

1. Let’s start with the face – SHOW IT! If your photo is of you more then 15 feet from the camera, your face is something that I am not going to be able to see, especially if I am viewing it from my iPhone. I don’t care about scenery, the friends you are standing with, or for fucks sake, your pet that you may have included in the photo. I can’t cuddle with the statue next to you, horizon behind you, or your dog, no matter how cute they are. Your face, or even a photo from the waist up -  start with that.

2. C’mon guys, show how you really are on a regular basis. That photo from your cousin’s wedding might be awesome, but unless you’re a host at a fancy restaurant and you wear a tuxedo every day, use a photo that is a bit more realistic. This also goes for photos of you dressed up in a Halloween costume. A costume? Really? I mean, really? You might have been the sexiest ninja turtle at the party, but seriously – is that your best side?

3. Let be honest. If you’re bald, don’t post six photos of you in a ball cap – that’s just a bit too obvious. Or even worse, crop your photos so they cut you off at the forehead. Bald is not bad, and in some cases, bald can be quite sexy. (I’ve always had a thing for Mr. Clean types.) This also goes for posting a photo from 10 years ago where you were 50 to 100 lbs lighter – then saying in your profile that you’ve gained a “little weight” – and considering yourself to be honest. That’s like posting a picture of your car when it was brand new – 10 years ago – and saying it has a little “wear and tear”.

Please.

And what the hell is up with mirror photos from the gym? I could give a shit less about the gym you work out at, or the décor of the locker room. Oh, trying to get a good pic of that “pumped up” look? Unless you can keep that attribute all day, don’t bother. I would rather see a photo of you, as well, YOU. Still confused? See #2.

Just FYI – there are guys out there who like men with a little more girth, or a little less hair on their head. Personally, I like the burly, manly types. I’ll take a beefy linebacker  over 6 pack abs any day of the week. I also know I’m not alone in this. There are other guys like me out there. I know – I’ve tried to steal their boyfriends. ;-)

To me, a little more on-line honestly would result in guys actually meeting other guys who like them for who they are – not for who they think  you are. Be it for a random hook-up, a date, or just coffee - it just reduces those awkward surprises. 

 If you want a fantasy, try porn. Those guys get paid a lot of money to be the fantasy, and most of them are quite good at it. For the real world, try a little honesty – you might be surprised at what you find.

Next up – profile writing; you’d think it wouldn’t be that difficult. 

Cheap and Tawdry

Apologies for this late post, I’ve been sick with strep. I feel like I’m back in high school. Apparently, it’s going around…

To be fair, there are times when we have all felt short changed, or that someone else has gotten the upper hand. You found the person sitting next to you on your flight got their ticket for fifty bucks cheaper, or the couple sitting across from you at the restaurant is enjoying complimentary desserts. Just remember, for every time you’ve felt like you’ve gotten the short end of the stick, there’s someone who’s been jealous of you for a benefit you might have received as well.

And why were you trying to get a stick in the first place, let alone wanting the longer end? Hmm, I guess that will be for another blog post.

Most of us chalk it up to timing or luck when either we come upon a free VIP experience, or we witness someone else, get a similar bonus or a discount. This reminds me of when my friend Jose and I went to Disneyland one brisk January morning, and out of all the people who were waiting in line to buy tickets, a man approached the two of us, offering us free early admission tickets that he had won, but could not use. I was skeptical, but he walked with us to the gate, and they were valid tickets, so we paid him (and he only asked for ½ the cost of face value) and proceeded to enjoy our day. Yep, a little luck, and we were given a nice bonus.

But for some people, this is not just luck, it is intentionally biased and is completely unfair. This man who offered me and my friend tickets should have offered them to everyone? Right? If this seems a bit outlandish, I would have to agree.

 But unfortunately, a certain Ms. Lynn Evenchik, doesn’t.

Evenchik, who hails from my home state of Arizona (why am I not surprised?) found it unfair when she discovered that the AVIS rental car she paid for in San Diego was offered to members of theInternational Gay and Lesbian Travel Association and National Gay and LesbianChamber of Commerce for a 20% to a 25% discount.

Note - the discount was to members of these organizations, and not just to random gays and lesbians. I just couldn’t see homos going into Avis and saying, “I’m here, I’m queer, and I deserve it cheaper!”

Please, some of us have standards.

Evenchik is now suing Avis on the grounds that the discounts they are giving violate California’s civil rights act, specifically saying the business cannot give discounts to people based on their sexual orientation.

Oh lord. Let’s just start with the obvious, shall we?

Once again, the discounts were not given just to anyone based on their sexual orientation. They were given to members of the IGLTA and the NGLCC, both of which are open to anyone with regards to membership – just check their websites. So, Ms. Evenchik (who ironically is a travel agent – thank you linked-in) could easily join the IGLTA or her local chapter of the NGLCC, the GPGLCC – Greater Phoenix Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce – and receive said discount. You do not need to be gay to join either of these groups.

To say that Avis’s choice to give discounts to these groups is discriminatory is the same as saying that it would be discriminatory to offer discounts to members of AAA, AARP, or any other group that often negotiates deals with rental car companies for discounts. All of these are groups open to having Ms. Evenchik apply for membership. Even AARP. (I’ll bet ya!)

Bottom line? I hope Avis counter sues her for legal fees and/or this case is thrown out of court, because it really has no merit, in my humble opinion. No, I’m not an attorney, but you really don’t have to be one to realize the difference between discrimination and ignorance. Ms. Evenchik is simply ignorant as to how these discounts were being offered, and that she has the ability, just as much as anyone else, to get them.

But won’t this be an awkward conversation for Ms. Evenchik at the chamber of commerce monthly mixer? I do hope so.