Face-Off

I just want to see your face. Is that too much to ask for?

I’ll admit, I’m part of the iPhone social app scene. I have a profile on Scruff & Growler. I used to have a profile on Grindr, but I got tired of 19 year olds sending me pictures of their junk at all hours of the night.

For some of you, this would be a welcomed activity. For me, not so much.

I find that as I get older (and by no means do I consider myself old) I am dating men closer to my age – which would be 38. When I was in my 20’s, I dated men in their late 30’s & early 40’s – and now I find myself doing the same thing, even though I am not getting any younger. Never been attracted to the younger guys…

But I digress.

I have quite the popular profile on the social apps I use, and it is not for my pictures. (Although I would like to think that has something to do with it.) Many guys send me very positive responses, thanking me for using my profile to speak the truth. Mostly my profile is a commentary on what I take issue with related to other guys profiles – with a little humor tied in. Trust me, as you scan though the profiles of these apps, there is plenty there to give you a chuckle.

My main gripe is about the pictures. I realized this when I went on a date with a guy I had met on line. When we met, he looked at me, rather surprised and said, “Wow, you look just like your profile picture.”

Umm…isn’t that the point?

What I have come to realize is that many gay men have come to expect that when you meet a guy on line, the real life presentation is going to be different. In other words, lying and deception is becoming not just the norm, but it is almost being encouraged. That’s kinda scary if you ask me.

The pictures I post of myself have 3 qualities. They’re clear, they’re current, and they’re actually of me.

Using an authentic photo; I know, what a concept.

To me, there is absolutely no reason that any guy should post a grainy, blurry, (sideways - my biggest pet peve!)  low quality photo to their profile, and THEN to say that they aren’t able to improve it. Most smartphones that use these apps have some of the highest quality, most advanced cameras ever built. Why they never get used, I have no idea. Not to mention, most guys who gripe about not being able to obtain a high quality photo have crystal clear photos of what’s below the waist.

Amazing isn’t it?

1. Let’s start with the face – SHOW IT! If your photo is of you more then 15 feet from the camera, your face is something that I am not going to be able to see, especially if I am viewing it from my iPhone. I don’t care about scenery, the friends you are standing with, or for fucks sake, your pet that you may have included in the photo. I can’t cuddle with the statue next to you, horizon behind you, or your dog, no matter how cute they are. Your face, or even a photo from the waist up -  start with that.

2. C’mon guys, show how you really are on a regular basis. That photo from your cousin’s wedding might be awesome, but unless you’re a host at a fancy restaurant and you wear a tuxedo every day, use a photo that is a bit more realistic. This also goes for photos of you dressed up in a Halloween costume. A costume? Really? I mean, really? You might have been the sexiest ninja turtle at the party, but seriously – is that your best side?

3. Let be honest. If you’re bald, don’t post six photos of you in a ball cap – that’s just a bit too obvious. Or even worse, crop your photos so they cut you off at the forehead. Bald is not bad, and in some cases, bald can be quite sexy. (I’ve always had a thing for Mr. Clean types.) This also goes for posting a photo from 10 years ago where you were 50 to 100 lbs lighter – then saying in your profile that you’ve gained a “little weight” – and considering yourself to be honest. That’s like posting a picture of your car when it was brand new – 10 years ago – and saying it has a little “wear and tear”.

Please.

And what the hell is up with mirror photos from the gym? I could give a shit less about the gym you work out at, or the décor of the locker room. Oh, trying to get a good pic of that “pumped up” look? Unless you can keep that attribute all day, don’t bother. I would rather see a photo of you, as well, YOU. Still confused? See #2.

Just FYI – there are guys out there who like men with a little more girth, or a little less hair on their head. Personally, I like the burly, manly types. I’ll take a beefy linebacker  over 6 pack abs any day of the week. I also know I’m not alone in this. There are other guys like me out there. I know – I’ve tried to steal their boyfriends. ;-)

To me, a little more on-line honestly would result in guys actually meeting other guys who like them for who they are – not for who they think  you are. Be it for a random hook-up, a date, or just coffee - it just reduces those awkward surprises. 

 If you want a fantasy, try porn. Those guys get paid a lot of money to be the fantasy, and most of them are quite good at it. For the real world, try a little honesty – you might be surprised at what you find.

Next up – profile writing; you’d think it wouldn’t be that difficult.